We all know that there are going to be 20 books to come out in the next three months about Michael’s past, and The Reverend Al Sharpton will quickly find a new cause to jump in front of the camera for. But this a little piece of Hollywood History that is right up the street from me and I felt as if I should share.

About a month ago I had the honor of shooting a funny little scene with friend Jon Gries, this is one he is both in and directing. One day he picked me up from my apartment and drove up the street. Just two Blocks north of me, there is a church attached to a elementary school, and attached to that is an Auditorium. We slowly passed by and Jon, who has lived in this neighbor hood for a while, pointed, “do you know what that says?” I said no, but have noticed it myself every time I drive by. He said, “That is the Michael Jackson Auditorium. They covered it up years ago now.” I shook my head, and we forgot about it.

Just putting it out there for those writing books.

I have a book cover, sent from my iphone.

strange strange days
talk soon
d

in case thelonious monk needed to seem any cooler, i just found out his middle name was “sphere.”

This is how I felt when I first watched what you’re about to watch.

Okay… Click the hell out of this.

it is obvious that a lot has changed about the music industry.. and award show set design. but when olivia newton-john beats out joni mitchell, elton john, and roberta flack, i am reminded that some things have not. it’s not that olivia newton-john isn’t lovely, it’s just, i mean,

The reformist challenger, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, was holding hands with his wife in public during the Iranian election campaign. She intended to be a vocal, visible and virile first lady, a revolutionary concept in modern Iran.  Revolutionary as in throwback as in that’s how it was in Iran in the 70s.

But it doesn’t look like he won.  But it seems like he already has.

Mini-film The Adventures of Kid Catastrophe featured on YouTube’s Music Page yesterday.  One part music video, one part band promo, the 8-part project features Arch from Illinois, world-renowned actor Gary Guntlove (as well as director himself, Daniel, as “Pete”) and some weird radio voice by some weird guy.  Shout outs to Pride Grinn, CRNphoto’s hairstyle and Pro Boxing and Angel’s Tropical Fish in Pasadena.

Click to fish:

$232 million POWERBALL winner Nathan Wanless bought his ticket in Winner, South Dakota.

Click to go figure:

He only gets $88 million after taxes.  That goes a long way in 2007’s seventh-poorest county in the U.S.

My 13 going on 30 cousin- Ireland is the source for all things relevant and hysterical in entertainment. She has led me to some ridiculous videos, but this one, well it’s my favorite. Anything that combines terrible pop music with neck braces, imaginary glamour crotch shots, and unicorn hair- has me sold. Gaga is revolutionary. She’s essentially Courtney Love, pre-surgery, post-shower, with a sugar coated pop pacifier. Someone just decided one day that she was going to be famous and now she’s laughing her ass off all the way to the B of A.

Separate message to the almighty Ga:

Dear Lady Gaga,

Will you please let R.Kelly be your baby daddy? And then will you make a music video series all about it with him? Think about how funny that would be, Ga, I mean really.

Are you a genius or are you a puppet? Seriously, I need to know. You went from shoulder pads and a wheel chair to a double arm crutch and an unnecessary gold robot bathing suit. It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen since Trapped in the Closet.

How did you get Warrant to agree to be in the video? What was it like making out with Jani Lane?

What time do you want to meet tomorrow to discuss our future friendship? Let’s wear diamonds and take painkillers together.

So many props,

Ace Bitch

follow Ireland on twitter

three of my favorite things are combined here:

nerding out about songwriting, the beach boys, and diagrams.

My name is Steve Cooper. I hold a degree in English from the University of Virginia, a college I attended after previously attending Columbia in New York and Emory in Atlanta. I have written and edited in the socio-economic and academic fields of media ownership, technology and telecommunications with consumer advocacy group The Consumer Federation of America. I have published a feature article in Urb magazine to a readership of around 50,000 people. I have accrued over 250,000 unique visits to my various blogs and websites.

But I can’t read.

It’s not that I don’t know what the words on the page mean. That’s the easy part. It’s the sitting still that I suck at. I’m too busy obsessing about the eight trillion other things I wish I was doing instead of reading. I’d rather be touring. I’d rather be eating. I have an itch to get rich, and it’s hard to see how finishing this chapter will help me stack chips. We’re talking major problems. Stuff I’m haunted by.  You don’t want to get involved.

So, starting last September, I set out to tackle this distinctly human issue, this sickness to sit. I’d had enough of my iteration of illiteration and I was committed to making a change. It was time to strain my brain (and retain).

But.  Like I said. I can’t read:

JACK KEROUAC - On The Road - 190 of 408 pages

SALVADOR DALI - Diary of a Genius - 106 of 186 pages

RIES & TROUT - The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing - 46 of 132 pages

CHARLES YU - Third Class Superhero - 49 of 173 pages

HERMANN HESSE - Siddhartha - 45 of 152 pages

What an embarassment. I feel like Theo when Heathcliff clowned him for wanting a tennis racket so badly and then only playing once. To my credit, I did finish a book, Fear and Trembling, by Soren Kierkegaard. But I promise, I’ve forgotten every word…

prohibition party tonight. this is my main reference.

the subject THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE was left in that field in my most recent draft. i wonder what i was going to talk about. oh maybe it was the 80s “workout” video which has already been around but in case you haven’t seen it, click here.

then i got sidetracked by discovering how many videos are on youtube entitled “Wii accident” and being too afraid to click on any of them.

Courtesy of the one and only Picky Cartoon.

The one and only homie, Brandon Perkins, writer for renowned net publication the Huffington Post among other paper-based products of times past (LA Times, Urb Magazine), notified me of this.  Continuing their legacy as one of the best bands of the post-CD era…the Cold War Kids — everybody.

Click to engage:
 

The mini-documentary of the recent SPIRIT ANIMAL East Coast shows in Washington, DC (with Illinois) and Northampton, MA (with Wale and Colin Munroe) is up and done.

Click to workout:

Jenny O. and I went to the Viper Room. The dress she was wearing was not irritating.

We went there to see our homie Rami Dearest gets down. and down he gots. Check the motherfucking Cobain cover right off the break. it was serious. as serious as putting a fully edited little documentary of last night up, the following afternoon. Um woa.

One can only assume, Dearest has people.

click

OMG

i mean.. i don’t know, gray kid. i really like fortune cookies. they are delicious and i like breaking them in half and then in half again. i will eat everyone else’s too. i even like the stale ones. they are always complimenting me and telling me how all my hard work will pay off very soon. i take my fortunes seriously (when they are actual fortunes and not words of wisdom- that is annoying.)

i choose the one that lands closest to me, no backsies. you can tell the good ones from the bogus ones. the bogus ones are ones that don’t apply, ones like “love is on the way” which is so terrible you have to chalk it up to a cheap brand. like getting a stupid horoscope, you assume there is a legitimate true one out there from a fancier source. PLUS at the same second i decide my fortune sucks, i’m also eating a delicious weird cookie, either way i am satisfied. in bed.

as for the numbers, i’ve never looked at that side. it doesn’t register with me because it was a new addition during the 90’s, deeming it unreliable information, plus i don’t gamble. then there are the ones that teach you mandarin on the back! ni hao!

have you ever gotten a part chocolate one? that is weird.

also i bet one paper grocery bag is equivalent to a couple hundred fortunes- about how many of these delightful folded treats one american may get in his or her life. even if you remember a canvas bag just once for groceries, it justifies an entire american life of “chinese food.” i love fortune cookies. i hate hate hate the collection of trader joe’s paper bags amassed in the cupboard.

I’m going to approach this post like an 8th grader writing an essay by the book, using the MLA Handbook of Style.

First, a thesis statement:

Fortune cookies are the least discussed waste of paper on the planet.

Second, support for the argument:

I mean come the eff on!  Eat the goddamn thing if you want something sweet, and shut up about it.  I don’t want to “swap” fortunes.  I don’t think “that one was really for me,” and I certainly don’t want to sit across from you when you use this pretend glimmer of hope to replace the real feeling of despair and sadness you’ve never been able to wrangle from the depths of the gaping sieve you call your soul.

As proven by the childish obsession with adding “in bed” to the end of one’s fortune, this whole phenomenon is for babies and losers.  That doesn’t mean I’m calling Chinese people toddlerish, mentally immature or socially lame whatsoever.  In fact, I’m saying the exact opposite as fortune cookies are not Chinese and are relatively unknown in China.  They are distinctly American, or Japanese-American if you’re patriotic, invented by a Japanese man in San Francisco named Makoto Hagiwara, though some other shmuck named David claims to have invented them in Los Angeles in 1918.  Why would you do that?  Anyway who cares,  you’re both retarded.

Meanwhile, the forests are crumbling under the weight of globalization, Chevron and people who use too many napkins, and we’re just standing by, cracking open confections filled with trees and reveling in our so-called lucky numbers.  Give me a break.  If there’s 6 numbers listed on a piece of paper and one of them isn’t for you, you’re one unlucky sonofabitch and you should probably just quit.  Don’t gamble.  Don’t fall in love.  Just let it go.  Gorge yourself with General Tso’s and call me when the Dragon Year is over.  This is some indulgent shit.

Finally, a conclusion:

As proven by the fact that fortune cookies are American, childish and often stale, it is clear that they are a waste of paper.  That this is not a bigger part of the public discourse on the relationship between desserts and the environment, and is instead replaced with pseudo-glee surrounding the sweet treat’s unfounded fortune-telling capabilities, is cause for alarm.